Blog Archive

Saturday, April 28, 2012


"A Meditation on LOVE and quite possibly FALLING to my untimely death."

I think you know this already but,
I overcomplicate love.

It’s the scientific mind exploring the vast reaches of the inner galaxy.
Needing definition,
In every alien thought, every gravitational opinion,
And every minute, molecular feeling.
The immeasurable scares the hell out of me,
Like those dreams where I’m falling,
Plummeting stomach first into infinity,
And my damn wings won’t work.

Maybe it’s simple.

Maybe it’s as simple as how,
Even the most expensive coffee tastes lifeless and bland,
Until I drink it with you.
Or how when you taste whiskey and cigarettes on my lips,
You don’t pull away.
Or how washing dishes has become my favorite past time,
Because it means we just ate your latest culinary experiment,
And my belly is full,
And my dogs aren’t barking,
And I got to hear all about your life blooming,
In my work day’s absence.

            Maybe it’s simple.

Maybe it’s as simple as when,
We drove from Mobile to Los Angeles,
Two thousand miles on endless concrete,
Over desert sand,
Rolling pasture,
And sticky bayou,
Both of us too stubborn to stop,
Until our empty stomachs raised their white flags.
You pointed to shapes in the clouds,
And uncovered beauty that my eyes ignored,
Imagining adventure in every sleepy town,
Squealing in excitement with every roaming livestock,
And trying desperately to keep your phone steady,
As you took pictures of vagabond sunsets
In search of their own zip codes.

            Maybe it’s simple.

Maybe it’s as simple as when,
You cradled my head in your arms,
Sitting on top of your lavender-scented bed spread,
As I wept for my best friend Jon,
Who died much too cruelly,
And much too young,
My tears washing away any shred of bravery,
Any semblance of strength,
Any pretence of understanding the cold darkness in my heart.
You never met him,
But you stroked my hair until I feel asleep,
Honoring him until the keening trailed off into,
A still moment of shared life.

            Maybe it’s simple.

Maybe its as simple as when,
I didn’t write,
Unintentionally digging deep into your scar,
And you responded in kind.
The powder keg goes off and we burn together,
As I hate you and you hate me,
And you’ve smashed every plate on the ground,
And I’ve crushed every knuckle on the wall,
Stopping only to realize the wholeness of our brokenness.
Then with the wounds open,
We heal.
We mend the brokenness to realize our wholeness.
And the lights in the night sky seem to burn even brighter than before.

            Maybe it’s simple.

Maybe it is as simple as,
When I met your brother,
Who sees the world differently than anyone else.
His special heart shaped by his special needs,
Rocking back and forth,
Smiling with glee,
As he laughed at the world’s jokes,
That we’ve somehow all missed.
And as you fed him Cheetos,
Wiping orange spit from his mouth,
And playing with his hair,
I saw the green in your eyes glow with pride,
Like the sun bouncing off a field of grass,
Transforming into a warm emerald blanket,
That seemed to envelop all three of us.

Maybe it really is that simple.

So this is me, flipping that switch,
Cutting that cord,
Crushing that cricket.
This is me throwing a pipe bomb at my brain,
Into the part that needs to:
Reason, reckon, delineate, and define.
This is me swan diving into infinity,
Plummeting heart first,
And hoping beyond all hope,
That my fucking wings work.

All I know is from now on,
With you,
I’m keeping love simple.